Post 10: 7 types of responses I see
7 types of responses I see
Platitudes — you’re gonna get better right away! You have a great team! This will be over soon! Here if you want to talk! Sending you love! [These are platitudes because these are the finished action with no follow-up; said the same from someone in regular contact, that could be different]
Monologue — here’s an unrelated story because I don’t know how to be separate from you.
Distancing and/or devaluing — you’re no longer relevant, of value, because you’re not as cool, you lost clout, and you probably won’t be my client anytime soon or give me referrals; or the “lurk and ghost” — stalk your stuff on the internet then don’t respond to messages and cut you out completely. [This includes unfollowing as well as a heart on social media without reaching out, if that person previously considered themself a friend or genuine connection]
Tragedy — you’re too young! Take me instead!
Defensive — my work is perfect. You must have done it wrong.
Blaming — you manifested this. Your mind wasn’t positive enough, and you didn’t clear your blocks. I’m better than you.
Character — I’m sorry to hear that. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I believe in you and I support your work. How can I support you? How can I take something off your plate?
I can instantly tell if someone is reaching out because they want me to know they care, or because they want to show themselves that they’re a good person. When you message someone in your life, ask yourself: am I doing it for them, or for me? Am I thinking of what support they’d want, or am I self-soothing my own discomfort and self-congratulating for being such a good person? Am I honoring our connection, or am I checking off a box that I’ll never revisit?
One time, someone said she was here if I wanted to talk, so I called her bluff and said sure I’ll talk. I didn’t hear from her again. I wasn’t offended; I thought it was hilarious. Her message to me was never about me at all; that was clear from the first word.
Still, some words are better than no words. At least I know.
Outlier responses, after sharing this blog [rare, but don’t fit into the above]:
I actually have a category that both of these interactions fit in, but I’ll let you decide what it is.
1. Someone, presumably misunderstanding the “I have cancer” announcement, wrote “Awesome!” and then when finally realized, hearted it. This was someone who had recently said she wanted to be my friend. I’ll let you interpret it.
2. Someone who said she cared about me a lot pretends that I don’t have cancer. She’s the only one who doesn’t seem to recognize in our interactions that I have a lot extra on my plate these days; it’s fascinating.
For the best responses I’ve gotten, see the next post.
Read Post 11 here. (My favorite responses so far, Paid subscribers)
Read Post 23 here. (Free to all)
Back to all posts and the beginning, here.