Post 5: You won't hear me say "why me"

You won’t hear me say: “Why me? This is so unfair”
These thoughts have never occurred to me.

Some people have said them to me, and I’ve looked at them curiously.

And I wondered why those thoughts didn’t occur to me.

I think it’s because they’re not useful. What would be the benefit of those thoughts? I can’t think of any.

What if cancer isn’t good or bad — it just is.

I can get cured and live a long happy life after a year detour.

Or I can get hit by a bus tomorrow and the health isn’t relevant.

I think about home break-ins, and random violence on the street or in schools, or someone held in a cage with no fresh air, or little girls in a flash flood in Texas.

I have time. I have plenty of time to get my affairs in order, to contemplate relationships and legacy, to feel the sun on my face.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself.

They say “Man plans, God laughs.”

I don’t know if this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s possible. What if it was?

What if through this journey I meet someone I never would have met otherwise?

What if I enter a brand new trajectory that’s way better than anything that could’ve happened without it?

I don’t know.

And like I’ve told myself for years, in comfort — I don’t know what I don’t know.

How can I say what’s good or bad?
I can tell you what’s uncomfortable — lots.

I can tell you what hurts my heart or my feelings.

But as for “you don’t deserve this” — does anyone? Do r*pe victims deserve it? Do car accident victims deserve it? I don’t think “deserving” is part of the equation here. It just is.

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Read Post 6 here.